summer's end

this is the first time ive spent a summer away from home. in that time i have:

• started cooking again
• walked to 53rd and back to satisfy a taro bubble tea craving
• actually started and finished an entire novel (slaughterhouse 5)
• ran nine miles to the bean (and back) 
• crossed paths with tommy again
• read plato and aristotle and pondered the forms 
• tanned to become the same shade as kyle
• binge watched netflix for the first time
• binge ate at shinju several times until the workers recognize me
• researching and appreciating the AMISH culture and lifestyle
• biked 55 miles with jen and marteeen to the indiana dunes only to have the bikes detained from the train ride back, a true bonding experience

and suddenly it's the end of august. as much as i loved summer in chicago, im ready to go home and see my friends and family and dog again though my friends from home all just returned to college (darned quarter system xD). late september i'll be excited to go back to school which is also home. i miss my friends and i cannot wait to see them again, and to fall back into our old rhythms, which will be old andnew and different, all at the same time.

Crazy Rich Asians Reaction

i never expected to be so affected by watching a movie with an all asian american cast. growing up, i rarely saw people who looked like me on television or in the movies. if there were asians, they tended to be in a stereotypical role - the socially awkward nerd, the geisha, the kung fu master.

crazy rich asian meets crazy richer whitester in the dark knight 

a lot of them were sidekicks. in the dark knight, the only asian american actor played a villain role and was held hostage. even though i thought jackie and jet li were badass fighters, i couldn't connect with that fact. i connected with the humanity in characters, the everyday interactions portrayed so effortlessly in western movies. at the same time i felt an unease because i wasn't beautiful or golden-haired like the stars in movies i loved like clueless or 10 things i hate about you. it wasn't difficult to feel invisible, wondering how i could ever fit in.

movie making is the process of telling stories through film. we learn about each other through these stories. they bridge our differences, helping us to understand one another, but when no one tells your story, it's super hard to tell that story yourself, to an audience that doesn't really care.

and that's why this movie is so groundbreaking. yes, there is criticism about the opulence and luxury showcased in the film but its purpose amounts to more than that. crazy rich asians is not my story, but it tells a portion of it. as more movies with asian americans about asian americans emerge, they will tell more of my story and in turn i can find connections with others who will identify with me. and that's a big deal.

crazy rich asians also made me realize that being asian is not something to be ashamed of. i've met far too many people who constantly wished they weren't asian or downplayed their culture. there is something magical about seeing the struggle of the asian american experience on the big screen - the one of straddling two cultures and not completely fitting in in either. there's a moment in the movie in which nick's mother told rachel that no matter what, in the world of singapore society, rachel will always be a foreigner. it's at once poignant and heartbreaking to recognize we may feel like strangers in our own country and need to prove our authenticity as asian or american depending on where in the world we are.

ultimately while this movie isn't the end all to hollywood's representation issue, it is a refreshing step in the right direction.

Cultural Balance

“Without balance, you have nothing.”

My figure skating coach has taught me many things, but by far, this was the most important. Her wisdom proved true when I toppled on the ice from leaning too far on one side of the blade. Although I quickly found balance on the ice, it was not as easy to find balance in the rest of my life. I grew up in a Chinese American family, infused with the strong, traditional values of family, dedication, and cultural appreciation. My parents enrolled me in a Chinese school that I attended after church every Sunday. It was fascinating to observe lines on a piece of parchment translate into a language thousands of years in the making. I can barely read Chinese, but I’m still drawn to the language, to the rhythms of my culture that I understand instinctively. After calligraphy, I learned Chinese painting, creating everything from vivid mountain vistas to swimming goldfish. When I visited China, I was afraid of being “too American.” In school, I was afraid of being “too Asian.” Presently, I embrace both sides of me; my cultural background remains a source of happiness in my daily life.

snapshots of summertime

 it's been a time for new friends and new experiences and new places. im enjoying hyde park and chicago in a way i could not during the school year. 

the apartment life has been a transition and a true struggle at times (most of the time). 

nevertheless this place is feeling like home by now -- i know the best places to get groceries at the lowest prices, where the bus stops are, churches to go to, and there are now more neighborhoods i can find my way around without google maps. ive tried nearly all the restaurants in hyde park and am branching out to downtown. im writing now from my favorite coffee shop, plein air cafe. 

a few weeks ago i flew to seattle to visit old friends and attend job training at the amazon hq. i was truly inspired and impressed by the top leaders of amazon and its culture and the advice they gave to us. clip from my iphone notes - "holy shoot they truly love their jobs and are skilled at answering as well as dodging questions. i can learn a lot from them."

  i talked to a cool boy with cool glasses from st. louis. a girl from georgetown gave me career advice. everyone was so friendly and everyone was so beautiful, their stories more so. people want to help. people are good. i'm starting to learn that now.

with new friends i explored and fell in love with the hilly humming city. after training we wandered around pike place market and pointed out the space needle and were blown away by the chihuly glass garden and played pac man at an arcade and hopped into the water underneath the railroad tracks and hunted for makeshift swim suits for westin's pool. 

early summer goal: become the same shade as kyle 

 

professor sanderson is not only a fantastic econ teacher but also a skilled chef! he baked us a themed cake for the fourth of july.

get you a loyal friend as emotional and depressed as you that sends you artistic snaps [peep the bookmark i made for her back in the eleventh grade]

an exasperated nina at the chicago eataly.

kyle told me to "be serious" at the osaka garden, so naturally...

nothing like eating 18 rolls at shinju #hobbies #dietdamage

 converted to pineappleism and PUMPKIN JOLLY

biking to chinatown :)

snacks with jen

some days i wake up at 5 to run to the point & see the sun rise

philosophers 

#gains #weak

biking with jen/olivia to the art institute and firecakes

i learned about this piece in my 20th century art class! i feel CULTURED

pilsen trip turned into aboutta watch crazy rich asians

should probs stop eating out so much 

no one i miss more than my boi hunter

summer art 

biked over 50 miles to the indiana dunes 

result of 7 hours in the sun

no explanation needed

summer goal = achieved #darkkyle 

leafy oasis

solitary

this is a nice way of living. chicago nights are warm mostly and i take walks or drink mung bean soup or eat plain pasta and watch the sky grow dim. i spend some time reading. i spend some time listening to albums, start to finish: scorpion, ye, blonde, astroworld, camp, damn, pure heroine. and movies, too: southpaw, blue is the warmest color, to all the boys i've loved before, kill bill v1 & v2. people come in and out of our apartment, various friends and friends-of-friends. i bought paint and colored pencils from target and once in a while i sit and draw and tape my amateur art to my walls with masking tape, to make the walls a little less bare.